Dipping My Toe Into Wanderlust Again

Facebook has a feature where they show us our memories — the pictures or articles we had posted on this day a year or more ago. Today Facebook reminded me of a blog post I wrote two years ago called “Dipping My Toe Into Wanderlust,” which I found synchronous because today, once again, I dipped my toe into wanderlust.

Sounds exciting, doesn’t it? And, in its way, it is very exciting. I drove today! I’ve only driven twice since I fell on November 19, once to the hospital with my wrist wrapped in the glittery veil from my dance costume, and once very carefully when I moved to my new place. Both times I knew the danger of driving a standard transmission one handed, so I’ve been keeping my car packed away. I knew eventually I would have to start driving again, maybe in another week or two, but my erstwhile occupational therapist stopped by to visit with me yesterday (such a treat to see her!), and she thought I should start driving as part of my physical therapy.

She expressed dismay at the surgeon’s disinclination to prescribe therapy yet, but I am okay with his decision. I am doing what I can, taking myself to the edge of tolerable pain, and that is enough for now. At least that is what I tell myself.

Apparently though, I am doing okay for one who is a mere two weeks past surgery and a week past having the soft cast removed. I drove for a couple of hours today — perhaps foolishly, but it felt so good to be on the road that I didn’t want to come back. (And the poor, long-suffering bug needed exercise.) Although my hand is still too swollen to make a tight fist, I was able to get a good grip on the steering wheel. I had no problem at all, not even backing up or making tight turns, even though my ultra-basic car has no power steering.

I ache now of course, but I am at that stage in healing where I almost always ache. If I don’t ache, I use the pain-free interval to do wrist and hand exercises, which returns me to the place of pain. I don’t like pain, I’m certainly no masochist, but I’m learning to appreciate whatever sensations come my way. With as much damage as there was to the elbow, arm, wrist, and hand (although the hand bones were not broken, they had all been pushed close to the thumb), including the breaks in the the bones and the rips and tears in the tendons and ligaments, it’s miraculous that I had no nerve damage. And so, lucky me — truly! — I have full sensory use of my fingers and arm, and if that sensory awareness includes pain, so be it.

But this is not a time to be talking about pain, but to celebrate. I drove today! Can wanderlust be far behind?

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(Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels Light Bringer, More Deaths Than One, A Spark of Heavenly Fire, and Daughter Am I. Bertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.”) Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.