Peachy Keen

The tenth anniversary of my birth into the online world, the tenth anniversary of my dipping a toe into the blogging stream, passed by unnoticed. For all those years, the internet was a place of refuge for me, a way of both slipping away from and embracing the traumas of my life. For an entire decade, I had to care for the sick and dying; grieve the deaths of loved ones; handle the loss of homes, friends, hopes, and security; deal with the pulverization of my wrist, arm, and elbow. And I survived it all.

Now, this virtual place of refuge has become less of a haven and more of morass of passions, opinions, issues, and divisiveness, making me feel estranged in this oh, so strange non-land. During the decades I lived with Jeff, I had no fear of delving into the truth and voicing my thoughts no matter how far out of the ordinary because they were always received with his respect and understanding. I have tried to continue the path of truth, but in an indoctrinated world, a world where propaganda rules and reason is trumped by passion, I have been rendered mostly mute, which is okay. It’s better for my sanity if I live in the world in I see before my own eyes rather than the world reflected in the vitriolic eyes of the unsocial media.

It’s also better for me to live with my own emotions, not just online, but offline. When my own wild emotions — grief, anger, fear — began to fade, I still felt as if I were drowning in sorrow. Other people’s sorrows. Staying away from those particular people and their problems (no matter how cold that makes me seem) has brightened my life considerably.

Someday, I am sure, I will take to blogging regularly again. Someday . . . when I have something to say.

Meantime, I am trying to wean myself away from Facebook, trying to empty my mind of extraneous thoughts (though, to be honest, my mind is already mostly empty), and trying to enjoy my unlonely solitude — when I am alone, that is. I still take frequent dance classes, and once in a while I even go on a small adventure, most recently to pick peaches in an orchard less than three miles from where I am staying.

(I had to smile at the discovery of the peach orchard. In my latest book, Madame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, I called this community Peach Valley and commented, “nope, no peaches, and not much of a valley, either.” I sure was wrong about that!)

I still have no clue where my life will lead me but there is so much of the country I haven’t seen, so much I haven’t experienced, that I am contemplating another long trip after my hand is completely healed. (The fake elbow works fine but the hand and wrist still don’t always behave, and sometimes they are very painful, though for the most part, they do what I need them to do.)

But for now, there is dancing.

And fresh peach cobbler for dessert.

***

Pat Bertram is the author of the suspense novels UnfinishedMadame ZeeZee’s Nightmare, Light BringerMore Deaths Than OneA Spark of Heavenly Fireand Daughter Am IBertram is also the author of Grief: The Great Yearning, “an exquisite book, wrenching to read, and at the same time full of profound truths.” Connect with Pat on Google+. Like Pat on Facebook.

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12 Responses to “Peachy Keen”

  1. LordBeariOfBow Says:

    Congratulations on the tenth anniversary, may there be many, many more, to celebrate; and may I be around to congratulate you 😀

  2. 2gatherstones Says:

    I am glad there is dancing! Congratulations

  3. Sherrie Hansen Says:

    Dancing is good. So are peaches. Wishing you much joy and even dwindling pain. Hugs.

  4. paulakaye Says:

    The peaches on the tree look amazing! I wish I had an orchard nearby to pick some. And apples. I love the fall fruits. Keep on voicing your opinions. Some of us like to hear them. I like how you called social media….unsociable media. So true!

  5. Coco Ihle Says:

    I’m glad you are happier now. Sometimes too much contemplation can interrupt peace. Sounds like you’re going with the flow and enjoying it. Good for you, Pat. Here’s to super speedy healing!!!!

  6. frederick anderson Says:

    It’s a strange world out there, isn’t it; and getting stranger by the year. But I think your blog will have helped many, and certainly helped you through some difficult times. Long may it continue.

    • Pat Bertram Says:

      I sometimes wonder if it’s us getting older rather than the world getting stranger, but in the final analysis, I do think the world really is getting stranger. Makes getting old not so much of a trauma.


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