Writing About “Ahem”

Someone just sent me an email suggesting I look at a BBC article on writing about “ahem.” (His words.) Okay, it was my brother, so he’s forgiven for being a bit too discreet. The suggestion probably has to do with a remark I made once about writing erotica, and he and my sister-in-law dared me to do it. I told them I would. But after I finish my WIP, and after I finish my graphic novel, and after . . .

Oddly enough, I really am considering it — by now you know I like a challenge. The thing that’s weird about my considering it (okay, one of the weird things — there are many strangenesses, including the simple fact that I am considering it) is that each of my books has less sex in it than the last. For Light Bringer, which will be published in the late spring of 2010, I completely forgot to include a sex scene — or rather, the story didn’t demand it, so I didn’t include one. My first book, a poor deformed — unacknowledged – creature I have hidden away in the dark recesses of my closet, is so full of sex scenes that it wouldn’t take much to turn it into an erotic novel.

There seems to be two thoughts about writing erotica. One, that the story should hold together even if there wasn’t any sex; and two, that the sex must be such an integral part of the story that it will fall apart without the sex. I subscribe to the second theory because it holds true for any sex scene — it must be a scene rather than simply a depiction of sex. This means the scene must advance the story, tell us more about the characters, show us how having sex changed the hero, or show a change in the relationship between the participants. So many authors seem to have the attitude that they need to arbitrarily insert a sex scene into the story, but such scenes need to be written in response to the demands of the story, not just because “it’s time to insert a sex scene”. 

One comment appended to the BBC article was written by Alexander from Durham. He says: I never know what most sex scenes are trying to achieve in books (and in other media, come to that). It’s hard to tell if they’re going for an emotional response from the reader or just arousal. I think the problem is that the reader doesn’t know either and ends up reading the scene and trying to take the wrong thing from it. And he’s exactly right. The reason the reader doesn’t know what the sex scene is trying to achieve is that the author doesn’t know. 

The article about “ahem” asked: Is it Difficult to Write Well About Sex? I tend to think it isn’t, as long as the authors know what they are trying to accomplish with the sex scene. Once authors know their goal, they can write the scene with that goal in mind. On the other hand, maybe sex is difficult to write well. John Littel just won the “bad sex in fiction” prize. That there is such a literary award speaks for itself.

Frivolous Post Month

Writers have NaNoWriMo, bloggers have NaBloWriMo (National Blog Writing Month), which is also known as frivolous post month. Since I was going to post most of the month anyway because of my blog tour, I signed up for NaBloWriMo, though I haven’t had time to participate in the forums. Getting the articles posted every day was enough of a challenge! Today is the second to last day of the month, and I almost reneged. I’ve got nothing to say (though that hasn’t stopped me before!) Anyway, that’s why it’s called frivolous post month — because of all the people who have nothing to say but say it anyway.

Oh, wait! I do have something to say. I’ve been meaning to tell you about a way cool WordPress tip that you might not have heard of. You know how on the sidebar, there is a monthly archive? Doesn’t do much good, because if you or your readers are looking for a particular post, chances are you haven’t a clue as the the date you wrote it. Well, WordPress has a shortcode for an archive that lists all your articles. See the page here on my blog entitled “Archives — All My Posts”? It lists the title and link to every single one of my blog posts. Bet you thought it was difficult. Nope. All I had to do was start a new page, title it,  and put the word archives in brackets [ ] in the body. That’s it. Magic! 

So perhaps this wasn’t such a frivolous post after all!

I tried to put archives in the brackets to show you how it was done, and ended up with my archives in the body of  this post, so I had to remove it. If you need any further information, check out the wordpress article: Archives Shortcode.

I’m Not Waiving Any Moral Rights I Have in My Blog!

A couple of weeks ago I got an email from a marketing company doing a social media campaign for a major corporation. Apparently they wanted to get bloggers to do a contest for them, and the winner would receive . . . nope, better not go there. If I told you what the prize would have been, it would be tantamount to telling you who the corporation is, and I’d probably get sued.  For my part in the production, I would have received the same prize, but since I have no use for it, it wasn’t much of an incentive. I like doing online promotions, though, whether for me or someone else, so I was going to do as they asked just for the fun of it.

(It’s a good thing I didn’t. The last contest I promoted got almost no entries, so if you’d like to help me redeem myself as a promoter, you can check out: Free ebook giveaway of the latest thrillers!)

After I said yes, I received a four page contract. I suppose it makes sense — after all, if they were going to give away a couple of items worth two hundred dollars each, they would want to make sure I did what I said I would do. The agreement seemed standard until I go to the part that said: You grant us the right to link to your blog and to reproduce, display and distribute excerpts from your blog, for any purpose, in any media now known or hereafter invented. Like I’m really going to grant them those rights forever.  I told them they could have the rights to any article I wrote on their behalf, but that’s it.

Anyway, they changed that section, and I went through the agreement one last time before signing. In a section about attesting to being over eighteen and being the sole owner of my blog and not defaming the company, etc., I found this: You hereby waive any moral rights you may have in your blog.

What???? I don’t even know what that means. Still, I gave them the benefit of the doubt and said if they removed that line, they had a deal. I never heard from them again.

The contest was supposed to start in two days. I’m keeping my eyes open for contests pertaining to that corporation. I’m curious how many people got suckered into signing away the reproduction, distribution, and moral rights to their blogs.  I hope you weren’t one of them!

Questions About Writing Stories

I received an email the other day from someone who wanted to interview me for a class project. I think he’s for real, but some of the requests I have been getting recently are questionable, so I thought I’d post my responses here to stake my claim. Feel free to respond to any of the questions. If the interviewer does, in fact, read my blog as he said he did, I’m sure he’ll be glad of the additional input.

What, in your opinion, are the essential qualities of a good story?

The most essential quality of a good story is the ability to take readers somewhere else and make them glad they went. It’s also important to make the writing easy to read, which means the writing must be grammatically correct. Nothing takes a reader out of a story faster than having to decipher convoluted sentences with improper punctuation. Ideally, a story should leave readers a bit better off than they were before, either because of what they learned about the world and themselves, or because of the respite from their everyday lives.

Do you keep those qualities in mind while you write?

The only one of these qualities that I keep in mind while writing is to make sure what I write is readable. Other than that, I focus on the story, setting the scene then developing plot and characters into a cohesive whole.

Which of those qualities do you think is the most important, if there is a ‘most important’ one?

Some people think character is most important, others think plot is the most important, but you really can’t separate the two. Plot is what happens to a character, what a character does, or both. You cannot have a character without a plot. To show who or what a character is, you need to show the character acting, and that is plot. You also cannot have a plot without a character. If an asteroid falls to Earth, that might be newsworthy, but it’s not a story until you have characters interacting with the asteroid. Who found it? What did they do with it? What happened to them as a consequence of their actions? That’s what makes a story.

How much of a story do you have in your head before you start writing it?

I know the main characters, I know the beginning of the story, I know the end of the story, and I know how I want the characters to develop, but I don’t flesh out the individual scenes until I start writing them.

Do you do any research for your writing? If so, how do you do it? (searching Internet, magazines, other books, etc.)

The research for Light Bringer, which will be published mid 2010, took me approximately twenty years. The research for my other novels took two to five years each. Sometimes I consulted maps or guidebooks, sometimes people told me what they knew, but mostly I read books on the various subjects.

How do you prefer to start a novel? For instance, do you try to start it out with a ‘bang’, or do you prefer to start out with a low point?

I start with a good hook, sort of a small bang, and I work up to a bigger bang.

How (or when) do you decide that you are done writing a story?

A story is done when it is published. Otherwise, it is never finished. The more one writes, the more one learns, and the more one learns, the more one sees how earlier works can be improved. The only thing that stops this cycle of learning and rewriting is getting published.

Do you have any specific pattern of writing, however subtle it may be, when you write? (Using specific plot devices consistently, for instance)

The only device I use now (though I did not do it in the beginning) is a theme. If I know the theme of a story, I can keep focused on the main concept and not go off on tangents. A story needs to be tightly constructed without extraneous scenes or exposition. If not tightly constructed, a story loses its power and impact, sort of like a comedian who tells a rambling joke without a punch line.

The term ‘well developed characters’ is extremely vague and the definition differs depending on who is asked. What, in your opinion, does it mean?

A well-developed character gives readers a sense of that character’s personality, feelings, and struggles. A well-developed character changes and matures as a result of all that the character experiences during the course of the story.

What is your goal for the story to be when you write? That is, how do you want your stories to say what they say?

My only goal is to write the stories I want to read. If my books do have a message, it’s that nothing is as it seems. We are not necessarily who we think we are, history did not necessarily happen the way we think it did, and what we see is not necessarily the truth. But all that is more of a side effect. Mostly I just want to write good stories with good characters.

Sharing a Thanksgiving Day Card With You

I received this card from Joylene Nowell Butler, author of Dead Witness, and decided to share it with all of you. Click on the card to see the whole story. Don’t you wish your dinner was as easy to prepare? Thank you, Joylene!

Grateful to be an Author

It seems a bit paltry to have a single holiday to give thanks when I have so much for which to be grateful. I am grateful for my online friends and for my fans. (Odd to think I actually have fans!) I am grateful for the readers of my blog, who never fail to offer support and suggestions. I am especially grateful for my publisher, who understands my books better than I do. But I am most grateful for being the author of my novels rather than being a character in them.

It’s an author’s responsibility to put her characters through as many traumas as possible. Readers want to worry about characters, they want to see how characters act when faced with horrendous conditions and dilemmas, and they want the characters to go bravely where they themselves would never go. As an author, I might give readers what they want, but frankly, I would never choose to be in any of the situations my characters encounter. And, although I am trying to be bold and brave in my own life, I will never be as bold as my characters. Nor do I want to be.

When Mary Stuart, the hero of Daughter Am I discovers she inherited a farm from recently murdered grandparents she never knew she had, she becomes so obsessed with finding out who they were, why someone wanted them dead, and why her father claimed they had died before she was born, that she ends up driving halfway across the country with strangers. That these strangers are all in their eighties might have put her at ease, but when she finds out about their less than lawful pasts, it still doesn’t deter her from her goal. In fact, she heads for Leavenworth, hoping to talk to Iron Sam AKA Butcher Boy AKA Samuel Bornstein, a hit man for the mob who might have known her grandfather.

Um, yeah. Like that’s something I would do! I am grateful that I have never had to deal with such a situation. When Mary discovers that one of the aged crooks is carrying an illegal weapon, she confiscates it and tucks it in her purse. Forgetting for the moment that I don’t carry a purse, having a gun tucked away in a handbag where it might accidentally go off is not high on my list of priorities. (Though I would be interested in firing a gun just once to see how it would feel. Strictly for research purposes, you understand.)

Sneaking onto the property of a connected guy to dig for stolen gold . . . hmmm. Perhaps I might do that, but I’m grateful I don’t know of any such treasure in real life that would put me to the test.

And that’s just one of my books. When I consider all of them, my gratitude is unending. I am grateful I never had to twice attend my mother’s funeral as poor Bob Stark did in More Deaths Than One. I’m grateful I have not yet had to deal with an epidemic so severe that the entire state of Colorado needs to be quarantined as described in A Spark of Heavenly Fire. I am grateful that I am not being held captive in an underground installation run by a quasi-government agency as are my heroes in Light Bringer, which will be released in the spring of 2010.

I am also grateful to Margay Leah Justice for inviting me to be a guest on Moonlight, Lace, and Mayhem, where this post first appeared.

So, what are you literarily grateful for?

Three Chances to Win a Copy of DAUGHTER AM I

You have three chances to win a copy of Daughter Am I. 

1. Eric Beetner, author of One Too Many Blows to the head is sponsoring an ebook contest for the new releases from Second Wind Publishing. To win a Daughter Am I ebook, all you have to do it go to the Second Wind blog and answer the question: “have you ever learned something shocking about your past? Maybe not murder but what rocked your world once you found out?” I know you have learned something that rocked your world — for example, how did you feel when you found out where you (and all babies) came from? See, it’s not so hard! You can also answer another question to win an ebook of One Too Many Blows to the Head by J.B. Kohl and Eric Beetner and a third question to win a copy of False Positive by JJ Dare. 

Click here to find the contest: Free Ebook Giveaway of the Latest Thrillers

2. At A Book Blogger’s Diary, all you have to do is leave a comment saying why you want to read Daughter Am I (because it was written by me, of course!). Click here to find the giveaway: A Book Blogger’s Diary 

3. And finally, you can win the only signed proof copy of Daughter Am I and have fun doing it by going on a treasure hunt. Click here for a chance to win the book: Treasure Hunt! 

Bonus: Download the first 30% of Daughter Am I free at: Smashwords

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Snow White and the Seven Old Fogies

Snow White and the Seven Old Fogies.

Well, sort of.

Mary Stuart, the twenty-five-year-old hero of Daughter Am I, learns that her grandparents have recently been murdered and that she is their sole heir. This comes as rather a shock because her father always claimed they had died before she was born.

Wanting to find out who her grandparents were, why her father had disowned them and why someone wanted them dead, Mary sets out on a journey armed only with her grandfather’s address book. She travels from Colorado to Arizona to Kansas, Omaha, Illinois, searching out people her grandparents knew. Along the way she accumulates a crew of feisty octogenarians:

Kid Rags, a dapper forger, seems to have two interests in life — drinking bourbon and eating copious amounts of food.

Crunchy, an ex-wrestler, threatens to crunch anyone who doesn’t treat Mary well.

Teach, a con man, tells Mary more than she ever wanted to know about gangsters, Wyatt Earp, and life.

Happy, an ex-wheelman for the mob, is ready with his gun though his hands shake too much to aim, let alone shoot.

Iron Sam, a dying hit man just released from prison, has his own, secret agenda.

Spaghetti once owned The Joker, a mob hangout where Mary’s grandparents worked when they were young.

Lila Lorraine, an ex-showgirl, was a friend of Mary’s grandmother and an ex-girlfriend of Iron Sam.

With companions such as these, how can Mary’s journey be anything but fun?

Daughter Am I by Pat Bertram is available from Second Wind Publishing, Amazon, and Smashwords.

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Treasure Hunt!

Daughter Am I is a quest novel — a hunt for truth, a hunt for self, a hunt for gold — so what better way to celebrate the end of my Daughter Am I blog tour than with a treasure hunt! Unlike Mary, you don’t have to travel halfway across the country in the company of seven old rogues (well, six old rogues and one flirtatious old woman). All you to do is hunt for their names. I will even give you a clue. I mentioned the names a couple of times during my blog tour, so all you have to do is find the right article.

When you find all seven names, send an email to secondwindpublishing@gmail.com with your list, and you will be eligible for the real prize — the one and only proof copy of Daughter Am I, signed by the author . . . me. One person chosen at random from all those who send in correct responses will win the book. Who knows, one day it might be a collector’s item, and then you can exchange it for gold. As long as gold remains legal, that is. Teach doesn’t think it will. Oops. I gave away one of the names. So now you only have to find six others.

The hunt is on! Oh, did I mention there were seven octogenarians who accompanied Mary?

The contest ends November 30, 2009 at 11:59pm ET.

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The Mythic Journey Behind Daughter Am I

Today is the last day of my Daughter Am I virtual book tour, and what better place to end it than here, at my own blog. Thank you everyone for your support during the past five weeks. It was a wonderful journey!

Daughter Am I was the combination of two different stories I wanted to write. I’d read The Writer’s Journey by Christopher Vogler, and the mythic journey so captured my imagination that I knew I had to write my own quest story. I also liked the idea of telling little-known truths about the mob, and I settled on the story of a young woman — Mary Stuart — going on a journey to learn about her recently murdered grandparents. Accompanying her are six old rogues — gangsters and conmen in their eighties — and one used-to-be nightclub dancer. As Mary listens to stories the old-timers tell, she gradually discovers the truth of her heritage and of herself. 

Developing so many characters at one time is difficult under normal circumstances, but the mythic journey archetypes helped me create the characters and keep them focused on their roles. Whether gangster or wizard, hit man or Darth Vader, the archetypes — and the power of the archetypes — are the same. 

A hero is the one who grows the most in the story, who gains knowledge and wisdom. Heroism, in the mythic journey sense, is connected to self-sacrifice, risk, and responsibility. The hero must perform the decisive act of the story, though at the beginning, before their transformation, heroes often need to be goaded into action. Mary starts out only wanting to learn about her grandparents, and ends up becoming intensely loyal to the elders in her charge. (If you saw Bed of Roses, you might have met Mary. Mary Stuart Masterson’s character — naïve and intelligent, strong and vulnerable — inspired me to write my Mary.) 

A herald gets the hero started on the journey. Kid Rags, a dapper forger forced into retirement by computer technology, eggs Mary on, challenges her to find out more about her grandparents. Kid Rags is also a mentor, giving guidance and gifts, a role he shares with Teach. Teach is a con man who believes everything is a con, and he is not hesitant about sharing his vision. (You’ve met Teach a hundred times. Remember Charles Lane? I’m sure you do. He started acting in 1926 and didn’t stop until 2005. Well, Charles Lane was my inspiration for Teach.) 

Every mythic journey needs a trickster, a character who embodies the energies of mischief and a desire for change, and who provides comic relief. The trickster in Daughter Am I is embodied by Happy, an ex-wheelman for the mob. Happy always wants to be on the move, is always urging action, and he peppers his talk with morose and unanswerable pronouncements about death. Did I mention that he carries a gun, but that his hands shake too much to be able to aim it properly? Poor sad Happy. 

Tim Olson, Mary’s romantic interest, is the shapeshifter. He doesn’t actually change shape, but he appears to change constantly from Mary’s point of view. He temps, dazzles, confuses her, and makes her question his loyalty. (Tim Daly from The Year of the Comet was my inspiration for Tim Olson. He had some great lines like:  “I never said I didn’t go to MIT.”) 

I could go through the whole list of characters, talking about which archetype each represented, but I don’t want to bore you by with a long discussion about the underpinnings of the story. The main point is that I wanted to use the same “hero’s path” that worked for such disparate stories as The Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, and Tin Cup, but head out on my own journey.

Click here to find the Daughter Am I Blog Tour Schedule Even though the tour is over, it exists forever in the eternal presence of cyberspace, so stop by any time.

Click here to buy Daughter Am I from Second Wind Publishing, LLC. 

Click here to buy Daughter Am I from Amazon.

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